Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
