is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's never too late to be topless.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
