I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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