I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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