I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
