I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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