I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
