she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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