It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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