my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
