mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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