You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
