The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
