if you like me you must not know who I am
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
