My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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