i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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