Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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