I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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