Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
