In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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