in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
