Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
