He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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