yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
vagina is talking i cant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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