I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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