If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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