put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
