you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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