Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
