Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
