not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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