Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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