ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
