dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
