It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just invented taco cereal.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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