Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
