Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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