Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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