I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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