I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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