Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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