hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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