I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
