either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
