My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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