I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
