she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize