you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
