??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
