they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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