Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
