I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
