I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
