my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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