just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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