theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
