i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
