THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
