This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
