We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
