I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
