its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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