A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
