you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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