fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sober January is a disaster.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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