ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
