Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
