I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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